I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
