I have demons in me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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