in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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