Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
