I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize