good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm getting married
To pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
