yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
