He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I show you my penis last night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
