Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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