I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize