Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
