I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
