Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
