loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
