Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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