I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
