I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
