dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize