My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
