The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
