Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
