He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
