I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
