I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
