I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
