there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
