Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
