He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize