sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
