I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
