brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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