Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
im on a boat
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