If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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