Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
