Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
