the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
