Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sex in a hospital.. check
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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