I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
