Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
