I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
