Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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