I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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