I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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