my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
