Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
should my penis look like a turkey
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
