I'll bet she douches with gravy.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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