Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
