Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
