Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
