the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want nice things and good sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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