I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
