I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
