What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
