it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
