you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
