he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
