Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
