We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MIDGETS
????
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
