Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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