His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
