you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
