I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
