My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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