She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
