is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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