Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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