At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
