porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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