I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
