He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
