Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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