you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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