Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
