her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
