I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
