Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
