Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
