I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
