If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
