it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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