Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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