i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
