We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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