I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
