..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
