haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
