i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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