matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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