I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
