Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
