I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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