1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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