Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize