1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
