I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
being pregnant is like rehab
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
