So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
