apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
