I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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