he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
