Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
