My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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