Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
