i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize