I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
