I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
