his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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