capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
